[ This is Lizard Wizard. That’s actually his real name. He
legally magically changed it. Now I know you’re probably wondering why I’m writing about Lizard Wizard and not Grawnk. Well, I’ll tell you. Grawnk was such a complicated character with his aspirations, emotions, quirks, and not to mention daddy issues. I just feel like it will be easier for me to continue writing if I choose a character who is a little more…well, vapid. Enter Lizard Wizard: the spoiled, spacey Argonian (arsonist).
Lizard Wizard is a brand new student at the College of Winterhold. Back home, he was an aspiring mage at the Black Marsh Mages Guild until he was transferred to Skyrim after “accidentally” burning down the guild hall with a “botched” destruction spell. Ordinarily, he would have been banned from practicing magic, but Lizard Wizard comes from a wealthy, well-connected family, and they convinced the guild to transfer him instead of banning him outright. Far away from Black Marsh, Lizard Wizard is now free of arson allegations, and can think about putting that life behind him…or continuing it in Skyrim. Probably the latter. ]
I love fire. Burning things is pretty great too. Like the Mages Guild back home. It’s going to be a lot harder to burn down the College of Winterhold, though. Ooo, magical fire! I’m going to stand in it!
[ See? What did I tell you? Much easier to write for Lizard Wizard than Grawnk. So much less going on in that Argonian’s head. After ten solid minutes of him just standing in the “magical fire,” Lizard Wizard finally climbs out and meets with Mirabelle, the one in charge of orienting new students. ]
The mage-lady said I should go inside and continue the tour, but I don’t need her to show me around. I have eyes. And my eyes want to see the views from on top of the building.
[ So with the “special” determination that only someone like Lizard Wizard could have, he slips inside the college, and finds the staircase to the roof, bent on seeing the snowy sights. Once on the roof, he wanders from end to end, jumping on top of the icy walls each time for the best views. ]
Why is the roof not part of the tour? Who wants to see the inside of a building when there’s all this splendor to behol – oh shit!!
[ Not being accustomed to cold climates, Lizard Wizard is not aware of the slippery properties of ice. Perched on a wall, he slips and falls off when he leans too far over. He bounces awkwardly off of a rock outcropping, which sadly kills him. All that’s left now is for gravity to bring Lizard Wizard’s body to its final resting place: the cold, frozen ground. ]
Rain’s Hand Fools! I know it’s not April 1, but I work on a slower schedule, dammit, and I was too busy finishing up my last post to do something proper for April Fool’s Day. So, I hope you enjoyed my belated prank. I know it’s not entirely good or clever, but when I get ideas in my head, I find it rather hard to get them out. I don’t plan on doing anything like this again, but if it turns out people like it, I might try to do something similar somewhere down the road. I also wanted to mention that I will hopefully have another real post out near the end of the week. Stay cool, and stay away from icy ledges.
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