An Orc’s Life, Part 17: Axetravaganza

[Below is my narration for this entry.]

 

It may sound silly, but even though I was expecting traps in Dead Men’s Respite, I never once thought there’d be anything as terrifying as this that I’d have to deal with. A swinging death-axe gauntlet? Really?! The pressure plate traps and hordes of undead monsters weren’t enough, so you had to add in this nightmare? How very annoying, and also terrifying. Well, there’s no turning back now. We can’t get back up the hole we jumped down into, so forward through axe hell it is.

As I steel myself for my run across, I have a thought; if I don’t tell Ghorbash and Jenassa to wait here, they’re 100% going to get murdered by these axes as they attempt to obliviously follow me across. I see a chain on the other side that I hope will stop the axes, so I turn around and have a chat with “Jhorbash” to stay put. Alright, guys, if I die horribly to the axes, I have a favor to ask of you – I want both of you to get out alive…so you can go to the Bards College and tell Viarmo to suck it. I turn back around to face the axes, and when the first set of axes is starting to swing away, I book it. Luckily, my orc-y legs don’t fail me, and I pass under unharmed. I am now in the middle of an axe sandwich, though, which is not a particularly pleasant place to find oneself.

Stuck in the Middle with You

♪ Axes to the left of me, axes to the right, here I am ♪

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An Orc’s Life, Part 16: Dead Men’s Respite

[Below is my narration for this entry.]

 

Hello, Skyrim, it’s me Grawnk. I know we’ve had our differences in the past – I try to avoid adventure altogether, and you constantly sic bandits and wildlife on me every day. I think I understand why you do it though. I feel it must come from a place of tough love. You probably see this scrawny little orc making his way in the world and think to yourself, “I’m going to help that poor orc out by toughening him up the only way I know how: constant and unending harassment.” And believe me, it’s been a real gas, but do you think that for today only you could just tone it down a bit? I swear I won’t ask for anything ever again. Once I finish my impromptu prayer to the Skyrim gods, I laugh to myself. As if Skyrim is ever going to go easy on me. That’s alright though; I’m not as skinny or as helpless as I once was. I will make my way through Dead Men’s Respite, retrieve King Olaf’s Verse, and make it out alive. Skyrim be damned.

The time has come

Prepare to meet your doom, tomb.

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An Orc’s Life, Part 15: Bandit Buffoonery

[Below is my narration for this entry.]

 

Once we return to our campsite and finish packing everything up, we leave the rats behind us but face the most obvious bandit blockade in front of us.

Where's Smokey?
Are you guys even trying anymore?

So obvious, in fact, that my eager traveling companions take up their weapons before the bandits themselves have even set eyes on us. And unfortunately for these bandits, putting down Skyrim’s riffraff has become old hat. When they finally see our proactive party rushing at them, it’s too late. They are hewed down like the saplings they are.

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An Orc’s Life, Part 14: The Great Rat Detective

Hello there, if you have read this blog before, I need to address some continuity changes that will be present from here on out. I’m returning this blog to its original live-life-as-an-NPC format. What that means is I will be forgoing my written dialogue for Grawnk’s traveling companions, Ghorbash and Jenassa, and anyone else Grawnk meets. It was a creative roadblock for me, and I couldn’t get past it. Also, I reinstalled Skyrim and my mods, so you might notice some differences between screenshots as well. You can check my about section if you need a reminder of anything, and you can click here to start from the beginning. Thank you so much for reading.

Below is my narration for this entry.

 

I’m having the worst dream. I’m wandering around in the snowy wilds of Skyrim in only my underwear, and I’m getting chased by bandits that look like ice cubes for what feels like four and a half years. I finally wake up to realize that the rain has put out our fire and we are all freezing to death.

Baby it's frigid outside
I know you’re dying from hypothermia, but I really need a screenshot of this. Sorry Grawnk!

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An Orc’s Life, Part 13: The Fellowship of the Verse Part III

[Below is my narration for this entry.]

 

It’s been several hours since we left Whiterun, and we’ve been traveling non-stop, save for that incident with the thief where I totally wasn’t helpless. I’m pretty hungry, so I propose we stop for a bit to eat something. I get no complaints from Ghorbash, but Jenassa is resistant, and feels the need to make a hurtful comment likening me to a princess. She does relent, however, and we pull off the road to a clearing. While we’re taking a break, I decide to share what I’ve come up with in the past few hours for my commemorative composition.

2012-11-19_00010

Why do I feel like Jenassa is going to be the Skyrim equivalent of Simon Cowell?

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Day 8 of 28DCD: Sex and Romance

First off, it’s really odd applying today’s prompt to Grawnk. Of course, it’s odd period thinking about Grawnk’s history at all. When I first started this blog last February, it was just going to be my version of The Elder Strolls, and not go into Grawnk’s history or anything like that. I guess I just grew too fond of the guy to not flesh him out a little more.

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An Orc’s Life, Part 12: The Fellowship of the Verse Part II

[Below is my narration for this entry.]

Not wanting to keep Ghorbash and Jenassa waiting any longer than I have to, I hurriedly throw on my armor, and eat my breakfast as I’m walking out of the Bannered Mare. I bump into the door frame on my way out on account of my eyes still being half shut from having just woken up. Once outside, the brisk air succeeds in opening my eyes the rest of the way, and my mental fog rolls away as well. I can’t believe this day has finally come.

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An Orc’s Life, Part 11: The Fellowship of the Verse Part I

The dawning of an important day.

The dawning of an important day.

[Below is my narration of this entry.]

My room in the Bannered Mare comes slowly into focus as I open my eyes. The shadowy tendrils of my dreams swirl around in my memory for a few moments, but they soon dance out of existence, leaving me to wonder why my stomach feels as though it has knots in it. As my grogginess subsides, I quickly remember what today is: the first day of my journey to Dead Men’s Respite. I feel one of the knots tighten. Continue reading

An Orc’s Life, Part 10: The Road So Far

[Below is my narration of this entry of An Orc’s Life. I’m doing this mainly so I can improve my voice, but if you all end up liking it, that’s cool too. I did not even attempt to edit this, and it was my first attempt, read without stopping. Now that my qualifiers are out of the way, let me know what you think.]

Much time has passed since the night I got plastered after having my ass handed to me by an overgrown insect. In many ways, I am not the same Orc anymore. That following morning I woke up to a Whiterun guard yelling at me to get up, which I thought was rather rude till I discovered I was not in my room at the Bannered Mare, but in a tent I had drunkenly constructed in front of the main gate the night before. A little embarrassed, and a lot hungover, I packed up my tent and left to get some breakfast.

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An Orc’s Life, Part 9: The Oral Hygiene Evangelist

While I am dismounting Karinda, I hear Meeko barking in the distance, and finally, he catches up to me. We need to get you your own horse, don’t we boy? I laugh at my own joke, but it’s lost on Meeko. Dogs have such poor senses of humor. Right. New town, new opportunities. So, my animal companions, what awaits me in this great city; this testament to modern architecture, this monument to man’s achievements, this – huh? A Whiterun guard has approached, and interrupted my attempt at a poetic moment with my dog and horse.

Whiterun guards hate it when you wax poetic.

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